Tuesday, April 24, 2012

What's With the Beard Dude?

My beard, for some reason, has become my most asked about topic of conversation period.  Everyone has a comment, question, or reason for concern it seems.  Some are pretty basic comments of adoration.  Dude, your beard is awesome.  How long have you been growing that thing?  How long does it take you to grow a decent beard.  Do you pick up more girls with or without the beard?  Why did you grow it?  Are you Zach Galifinakis?  Other people have gone in a different direction all together and have taken offense to my beard.  We'll get into that later.  


Let's take on this topic of curiosity together, shall we?


Q:  Why did you decide to grow a beard in the first place?


A:  Well, the easiest answer is it's Awesome!  Let's get a little deeper than that now.  Ever since I was a small child I have been admiring beards.  My dad has had one for my entire life.  I remember one time, when I was really young, he shaved it off and had nothing but a mustache.  I had no idea who he was when he came to pick me up.  


Exhibit A


From my earliest of bowtie/suspenders wearing days, I have
been admiring beards.

I attempted my first beard during my senior year of high school.  I decided that I was going to grow a playoff beard for our high school football teams first trip to the playoffs in a decade.  Our run was only into the opening week and that's as long as my beard lasted.  I couldn't stand the the itching so I caved to the initial pressure.  

My first official beard was grown during my freshman year of college.  I was playing in a band and was informed that facial hair was way cooler than a cleanly shaved face.  I have had facial hair in one form or another off and on ever since then.

Q: How long does it take you to grow a beard?

A: 2 weeks for fullness.

Q:  Have you ever had anything besides a full beard?

A:  Yes.  I don't typically like anything besides a full beard, but I have ditched it for the right circumstance.  


The beardless.  This was July 2011.  This is the last
time I had the completely clean face.  Notice my dad
is still rocking his beard 20+ years later.  It's a little
more white, but still pretty awesome.


I call this one the WWF or the wolverine.  It was the result
of the shave down to become the guy above.


Here we have the classic sketchy stache.  
It just kind of went with the cut-off Jorts.

Q:  Can you still be a classy dude with a haggard man beard?

A:  Let's just take a look at the photographic evidence.


Was this a convention of super classy dudes?  Maybe...


Marcellus mafia?  Classy none the less.

Q:  What's the craziest beard you've ever grown out?

A:  This past year, somewhere around early September I decided to let my beard go until I got home from my Grand Canyon camping trip.  When I got home I thought it sounded like a good idea to let it grow all the way through no-shave November.  Then I thought a great idea would be to grow it all the way through the start of 2012.  I trimmed it several times along the way, but eventually I felt like I looked WAY too much like a crazy hermit, so I pretty much just trimmed it all the way back off.


The height of my beardom.  Whoa, I forgot how crazy that 
thing was.

Q:  Are you Zach Galifinakis?

A:  NO


Not me..

Q:  Has the beard ever gotten you in trouble?

A:  Almost!  Just this past week I had an entirely new experience.  I was sitting at Mezo's talking to a few people and this random guy stuck his head in and said, "you can't trust a guy with a beard."  I, along with everyone else, just kind of laughed it off and figured it was just a joke.  As the night went on it just started escalating.  Then I pushed him over the line.  The girl that he was hanging all over gave me the head nod rescue me motion.  I pulled her chair over to mine and it sent him into rage mode.  He instantly asked me if I wanted him to "break my jaw like glass."  When that didn't even garner a response from me he proposed another question.  "What if I knocked you out of that chair right now, you punk?"  Here's the deal.  He is the same idiot talking goon type of fool that will rant and rave, but will cause a lot more commotion that actual damage.  I love that bar and i'm not going to just jump up and start fighting with some idiot and lose my welcome in there.  Give me a break.  I asked him what he would get out of knocking me on the floor then told him it wouldn't be the first time i've been hit and probably won't be the last.  Before I knew it one of the bartenders was in his face then the bouncer came up from behind and had him in a Chief Jay Strongbow sleeper hold before he knew what was happening.  They stuffed him in a cab and sent him home to sleep it off.


Chief Jay... Respect


Q:  Do you pick up more girls with or without the beard?

A:  This is a question that was asked to me last week at work.  What I told them was that I definitely meet a whole lot more people in general.  I don't know why it is, but strangers are way more inclined to talk to me when I have a beard.  It's a phenomenon I just can't explain.

Q:  How long do you plan on keeping the beard?

A:  My mom likes to ask me this question every time I see her.  I don't know.  I like it for now and that's all I know.

*All of these questions came from friends, family, and random people in different conversations.  If you'd like me to answer anything else I would be glad to!  Thanks for continuing to read along with my random train of thoughts.  Y'all are great.

Until Next Time,
Kyle








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